Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Farmer of memories

Did I ever tell you that Boy C is named after his paternal great grandfather?  Here's a paper I wrote 13 years ago about him for a college English class:

Ever since I can remember, my grandfather has collected antiques.  For twenty years, on every visit to his farm, I would play with the antique toys, look at license plates from all fifty states, see a wall with over 20,000 locks and keys, and I would play in his fully restored barbershop.
About once a year, I would get to visit the rural Kansas farm where my father and grandfather grew up.  The land is almost totally unchanged for eighty years, and I have grown to know how to navigate my way on the unmarked dusty washboard roads leading to my grandparent’s farm.  The main driveway is shaded by ancient cedar trees, which were planted by my great-great grandfather when he first built the homestead.  These trees cloak the main house and barns until you just about reach the house.  Often, a dog or two would come greet you with a canine grin and some hearty barking.  And of course, there would be the familiar two relatives always happy to see their grandchildren.
Every visit, Grandpa would want to show me what was new in his collection.  And even if it wasn’t new, he still took pride in showing it off.  A tour through the Woolf ‘museums’ is a nostalgic overload.  Barns that once housed horses and cows now house shelves and cabinets; all full.  Children of the Great Depression era will delight in the Gem-Roller organ, which is still ready to crank out its scratchy, tinny version of ‘Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries”.  People of different ages will remember toting metal lunch boxes with pictures of the Lone Ranger or Strawberry Shortcake to school.  And maybe, many of you would laugh at the old telephone switchboard in this age of wireless phones and instant communication.  My grandfather is a dedicated collector.  He has a medical examining table and instruments in one of the barns.  And he will be quick to tell you that he was born on that very table eighty-six years ago. 
My grandfather never talked much to me about, well, anything.  He is the strong silent type.  For an English project, we had to conduct a life interview.  I chose my grandfather, because he is one of the most interesting people I know.  This was the first opportunity I had to talk with him on a very personal level. 
The information I learned from him in that one-hour interview was far more copious that all that I had learned in my whole twenty years.  He told me almost everything about his life; how he grew up, how he met my grandmother, and most importantly, how he started collecting. 
“So, how did you meet Grandma?”
“Well, I saw her in church.  And she was with another fellow then.  I thought to myself, ‘she shouldn’t be with him, she should be with me.’”  My grandfather chuckled his low, scratchy laugh. 

I never knew why Grandpa had to walk with a cane, or why he didn’t farm anymore.  All I knew was that he’d had an accident long ago.  My father told me the story later when Grandpa wouldn’t.  My grandfather used to drive a car with a crank on the front.  While he was driving, a tree fell in front of the car, catching the hook, and catapulting the car on top of him.  The accident broke his back.  Although he was able to walk again, he would never be able to farm the land like he wanted to.  As a child of the Depression, he told me that, “I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing.  I had to work.”  Work was all he knew.  Although many people in today’s day would love to be able to sit around and do nothing, my grandfather could not.  The only way to make sure you had food was to work.  So he bought a piece of furniture and fixed it up and sold it.  And so his collection grew, piece by piece.  Any antique farm tool up for auction, my grandfather probably bought it, and if he didn’t buy it; he probably already had one.   He dedicated most of his life to working with, collecting, and restoring antiques.  They were what kept him going.  And now, in his old age, he can tell you most anything about Kansas farming history.  Even better than that, he can show you.     

Friday, October 10, 2014

At least they wore helmets.

A few years ago, I set about trying to rebuild my young adult library of books. I've always been a bookworm and a habitual book rereader.

Around the time I became obsessed with horses, I started to devour books on horses, horse care, and such.  I read with such ferocity that I truly thought we could put a horse in our small 1/4 acre lot and it would cut down on the time my dad had to now the lawn (a strikingly similar idea in Me and Katie (The Pest)). 

A common theme in all these books was that a teenage or preteen girl for some reason or another comes to be the sole owner/trainer of a wild or untrained horse and in a matter of months the horse is perfectly broke, quiet, and jumping. 

At the time, I thought this was reality. Now, having ACTUALLY OWNED A HORSE (and become a parent),  I'm all, "What the hell?" Who let these girls all alone with a wild horse with no supervision?

But yet, I still reread them and consider them an integral part of my childhood and obsession and love for horses.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Artsy-not-so-fartsy

I've never considered myself an artist.  I like to doodle, make stuff out of play-doh, shoot a few artsy looking pictures, and put paint to canvas on occasion.  I mostly play around and I'm never serious about my creations.  I have fun, I love what I make and I enjoy displaying my creations in my home.

I'm not happy if I'm not making something.  I just refinished a dining room table and I've just set it up and I'm insanely in love with it.  It's an ever so slight mint green that matches a hutch I refinished this summer which matches my very first piece of honest to goodness "I'm an adult" furniture purchase of a wine rack.

There's something about that first piece of furniture you buy as an adult.  It's a badge of honor. A, "LOOK AT ME, I DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT THIS TOGETHER WITH AN ALLEN WRENCH" status symbol.  Since I've now refinished two pieces to match it, it's safe to say the mint green dining room suite is here to stay.

But I'm getting the niggling in the back of the creative part of my mind. You know the feeling. The itchy, buzzy, annoying spark that threatens to engulf you if you don't put it to use.  I've got my sights on our bedroom walls.  Don't tell my husband, but I'd like to repaint the bedroom a warm taupe-y brown.  It's currently an ash grey and I think it's just time I repainted over it.  Like everything in Papa B's life when I moved in, I want to erase the poor decorating choices of a single man in his twenties. He joked that he's not sure he recognizes the house anymore. I told him I'm just making it harder for his next wife to come in and not feel my presence and hand on everything.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Forty-fives

I was playing some music on my iTunes the other day and the song, 'Reach Out I'll Be There' came on by the Four Tops.  In its amazing digital quality, I can't help but remember the only way I used to hear the song - on 45 from my parent's Seeburg Juke Box in out basement.  It sounds so foreign, yet so familiar.  I know the song, but it doesn't sound the same without the few seconds of needle noise and scratches before hearing the flute music.  It's funny, this is the only song I have this association with.  Maybe because the song is so soft at the beginning.  It's funny how I miss the scratchy version.

When I listen to the satellite radio on 50's on 5 or 60's on 6, sometimes I feel like I'm the only 34 year old in the world who can name the title and artist of most of what's on there. We only listened to oldies in the car growing up, so I think I have a pretty good mental library of songs from that era. It makes me feel so old and yet so young at the same time.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Tons of fun

I'm able to post about this now.  It took me a while to come to terms with it, but it was a tough decision for everyone involved.

This is Tessie.  


I got her and her littermates as kittens from a vineyard worker in 2002.  He was going to just turn them loose in the barn to control mice.  I took them from him before he could to get them neutered.  Well, they never left my house.  My folks have the boy of the litter, and I took the girls. 

She had been having behavior problems and peeing on things, so we made the decision to put her down due to kidney problems.  

Papa B buried her for me because I couldn't do it.  To be fair, I buried his cat for him.  

One of the items she peed on was a birthday present for one of Girl C's friends.  Rather than wash it and give it to her anyways, I went to the fabric store to buy more fabric and start the project all over again.  As I was making the first one, I realized that one yard of fabric was not enough, so I doubled it for the second attempt.  The lady cutting my fabric asked me what I was making, and I said a princess cape, but this was the second go at it.  She asked what happened to the first one and I told her the cat had peed on it.  She asked, "Is the cat still alive?"  And, completely deadpan, I said, "No, actually, she's not."  Her face was absolutely horrified, and she sputtered something, trying to get her foot out of her mouth. I smiled, and said that we had to put her down due to kidney problems and that was why she was peeing on things.  

So, on the upside, we're now a cat-fee house and I don't anticipate us having a cat again for a long, long time.  If ever.  

Thursday, August 7, 2014

How we're built

Can I take a moment of your time to complain about something?  And, to you, it may seem trivial, and a bit 'first world problem-ish', but I really hate when people remark to me, "Oh, you're so skinny!".  It's always said in somewhat of an accusatory manner.  I never, ever, brag or complain about my body shape or size.  Thankfully, I have learned that I am the shape that I am through genetics and sheer luck.  I eat what I want and when I want - although sometimes it seems I eat like a horse with the metabolism of a hummingbird.

Can I be proud of my body?  Even though I did nothing to achieve it?  Can I be proud of that body even though it's skinny? I have a flat stomach, with a bit of pooch that comes from bearing two beautiful babies.  I love that it has been resilient and amazing and went right back to what it was without any prodding from me. Is it right or wrong for me to be proud of what I have even though some women spend hours upon hours trying to achieve what came naturally to me?

Sometimes, I feel skinny-shamed.  That other people are telling me "I'm SO skinny" to make themselves feel better about their own bodies and choices?  Are they resentful because I drew a lucky hand?  Because I have literally sat on my ass and ate a tub of frosting in the course of a week and it has affected me in no way, shape or form?  I never, ever comment on someone's body, positive or negative.  If someone I know is working to lose weight, I support their decision and comment on their hard work and dedication, not the results.  I feel like the, "You're so skinny!" comment should be met with a, "You're so fat!" or, "You're so pale!"  It's just a comment on my physical appearance that has nothing to do with my character or personality. I just wish we would stop trying to build ourselves up by putting another person down.  It doesn't do anything.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Rage Against the (washing) Machine

I love my front loader.  I really do.  It uses less water and detergent, and in a frugal household, that's a plus.  It spins faster than a conventional top loader and therefore the clothes coming out of the washer take less time to dry.  I can't tell you the last time I used my dryer.  I'm considering selling it.  Drying is usually done outside in the sunshine when weather and temperature permits, and inside on racks next to the woodstove when it's cold out.

For a while now, I've been noticing an odor coming from the washer.  But only when the machine is on a spin cycle.  After a load finishes, I leave it open to prevent it from getting musty.  Sometimes, I'll even go so far as to put a little fan in there to circulate some more air.  But I still noticed the odor.  People who gave me advice about this problem were convinced it was because I shut the door and it was getting smelly from there.  I disagreed and ran the washer on a clean cycle.  Still stunk.  So, after some traipsing around the internet and various washing machine forums (yes, that's a thing!), my next step was to clean the drain hose.


HOLY SHIT.


Literally, shit.  After 3+ years of cloth diapering, the sludge that had accumulated in that thing was revolting.  I had a giant pipe cleaner-like device and I shoved that bad boy into one of the business ends of the drain hose.  And I pulled out the grimiest, brownest, foulest goo that almost made me toss my cookies.  So, lather, rinse, repeat on the other end and swish with a bit of bleach water and ta-da!  No more smell!

I replaced the hose and have yet to run a new load to see if that was the problem, but I'm fairly confident that I solved the mystery of the smelly washer.

And next time, I'm just buying a new drain hose.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

I'll just pay for mine, thanks.

I'm nervous about going to a Starbucks drive thru. I'm afraid I'll be caught in one of those "pay for the car behind you" things, and knowing my luck, it'll be the office gopher getting triple venti lattes for the entire marketing department and if I don't pay for them, I'll look like a total turd. 

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Organic food rich, land poor.

At best guess, I'm currently sitting on a few thousand dollars worth of organic meat and produce.  And all we paid for it was a few bucks in seed, and countless hours of canning and processing.

Let me tell you, growing organic is HARD.  I can see the appeal of hosing down my garden with chemicals and mind-altering drugs to keep away potato bugs, squash bugs, harlequin bugs, and stink bugs.  But we choose not to.  We are feeding our kids these foods, and I want to be confident that they can, at any moment, go out into the garden and pick some tomatoes for a snack.  I don't have to worry about making sure the Round-up is dry before going out into the garden.

But you know what?  My tomatoes aren't always pretty.  They're spotty, misshapen, and I might have to flick a bug from one here and there.  And they're delicious.

I can understand the appeal of subscribing to a CSA and supporting your local farmer.  It seems that people are martyring themselves to be the 'most organic' and lamenting about the prices of organic food and how hard it is to eat clean, and wah wah wah.  You know what?  Rent yourself a garden plot and grow your own organic stuff.  Then you'll see how hard it is to keep away bugs and get the pretty produce that you see in the stores every week.  Even if you replace one or two of your landscaping with an edible plant, then you're taking charge of your own food.  I'm a fan of Rosalind Creasy and her Edible Landscaping idea.  Long ago, land was for gardening.  You had space, you grew something to eat.  It was the rich who flaunted their wealth with ornamental gardening. "Look at me! I'm so rich, I can use my land to make pretty knot gardens and will just buy my food from you peasants!" That attitude had remained to this day.  I truly hope it changes, and people start going the way of victory gardens.  I see all this development and the one thing I see is that when new houses go up, the builders plant one bradford pear tree in the front yard and call it a day.  I hope, one day, developers will put in apple, pear, cherry, and peach trees as landscaping.  And blueberry bushes as ornamentals that flank your welcome mat.

I'm definitely not against industrial farming.  I think it's saved millions of lives.  Our generation (and perhaps the one before us) may remember not getting strawberries year round.  Or corn.  Or salmon.  People who didn't can their summer bounty perished or were malnourished in the winter.  Remember the story of the grasshopper and the ant?

And for now, I'll go back to my garden and dig up some potatoes for dinner.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

One is silver and the other gold.

There's something to be said about making new friends.  Today, I jaunted up to see two dear friends while Papa B and Girl C were at the farm for a few days.  I decided that I needed a road trip and these ladies provided me with an excellent excuse.

My first stop was to S. She's a lawyer who pretty much drools over any and all farm goodies she is gifted with.  She's smart, witty, and gorgeous. Just the way I like my women :-).  Since she is a working gal, I had to leave so she could make her 12 pm conference call (did I mention how I love being a SAHM?).  I then zipped over to see M and her husband C, who are staying at a hospital sponsored "family house" for families of patients.  They have a set of twins who are downright off the adorable scale. The little miss hasn't gotten her walking papers yet, so I was able to visit with her husband and the other half of the twosome while M went to feed her daughter. 

You know when you meet someone and you just instantly love them?  Not romantically, of course, but this is how I felt when I met M's husband.  He's a military guy and pretty tough as nails.  He and M had been dealt a pretty crummy hand, but the way they have made it through it all with humor, love, and a bit of foul language makes my respect for them completely immeasurable.  He would go to hell and back for his kids, and due to their significant medical challenges, it seems like they are halfway there.  Sure, his language is salty, but the love that just pours out of him is amazing.  My friend is so lucky and blessed, and for her sake, I'm thankful she has him to be the dad he is.  If I were in her shoes, I'd want one just like him, too.

We had a great visit and promises to meet again to share life and its amazing bounty and wonder. 

Friday, July 11, 2014

The things I won't do for free food.

It being 7/11 today, apparently, there are a few free deals out there for those who are inclined to go out and get them.  Free Slurpee from 7-11, free Chick-Fil-A (if you're dressed like a cow), and (really cheap so it might as well be) free Krispy Kreme donuts.

But, I enjoy other types of free food.  Thankfully, our property and its surrounding areas are loaded with wild edibles.  I particularly love how when one food is waning another is ripening and will be ready to eat.  My kids love going outside with me and picking black raspberries.  Those came in first.  If you're curious, there is such a thing as giving a one year old too many black raspberries.  Oh, the diaper mess!  But, despite the aftermath, I'd rather him stuff his face full of fruit than anything else.  Next came the wineberries.  If you've never had a wineberry, you're missing out!  It was originally imported as an ornamental plant and from what I understand, it fell out of fashion, and it went wild.  Well, I'm pretty cool with it as an invasive species since it yields me an abundance of sticky sweet red berries.

And finally, the blackberries are just starting to ripen.  This morning, I took the four-wheeler out to my favorite spots to pick some. It's hard to go out with the kids in tow since little hands don't care much for getting stuck by the thorns of the blackberries.  I was content to go by myself.  I hit one spot and then went to the next which was a little bit more difficult to reach.  So, I aimed my four-wheeler, threw it in reverse and backed myself into a huge tangle of berries, leaves, and thorns.  I'm perched precariously on the bed of the vehicle, and teetering over what is best described as nature's razor wire.  needless to say, my legs and arms are all scraped up (not to mention a touch of poison ivy). but I've scored a huge bowl full of berries to whip up into a blackberry cobbler.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

UPPOTD

I wonder what it sounds like when a movie is filming a scene where the actors are playing instruments that they clearly have no idea how to play.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I'd forgotten how easy one kid was.

Easy and boring.  Papa B took Girl C to the farm for a few days.  Since I have stated my position in that I will not return to the farm until there is running water, I got left at home with Boy C.  Four whole days of no princesses, My Little Ponies, Littlest pet shops, and Mr. Potato head.

Instead, I had 4 days of peek a boo, chasing a baby up and down the steps, cars, and blocks. It was great spending time with my youngest, but I really was bored.  Maybe it was because I was used to going 94 miles an hour all the time when both of them were awake.  I had two glorious naps from Boy C a day, I could just toss him in the car and go and not have to worry about making sure Girl C had pottied, was dressed, and somewhat presentable to the public.  I got loads of laundry done, I weeded the garden, I made scads of jams, I cleaned the house and I made a big hunk of cheddar cheese.  I was so productive!

But, they came home in one piece.  Smelly and grimy, but in one piece.  I'm glad she had fun with Papa B and he enjoyed spending time with her as well.  I'm so happy to have my baby girl back and even though the house was pretty much trashed within 6 minutes of her being home, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

UPOTD

If for some reason I'm filming a movie and my scene is a waterslide - I'm likely to screw up the takes on purpose so I can slide over and over again.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Of size and jeans

All throughout my formative years, I can always remember my mother insisting she wore a size 8.  If it wasn't a size 8, it really wasn't considered as a clothing option for her.  SIZE 8 FOREVER.  My sister, mother, and myself all were slim women when all was said and done.  Our body shapes differed, but the mass and volume was about the same.

I've been on a quest for jeans that fit me for a while now since I've put holes in a few pair in recent months.  I usually would find jeans in resale or thrift shops and that suited me fine for a while.  But no pair was perfect.  One pair would fit in the waist, but not the thighs.  Or yet another would be fine lengthwise, but the crotch would be riding up uncomfortably high.  I settled on a pair or two from Aeropostale from a resale shop.

But they were a size 0.

Size 0??

In high school, I was a 6.  In college I was a 4.  Then 2.  Now I'm a 0.  My age is increasing, but my waistline is like a countdown to a shuttle launch.  Now, I'm no Twiggy, but I'm slim.  I have no caboose and my hipbones protrude.  But there are women out there slimmer than me with no curvature.  What size are they?

Are women really that vain that they care so much about the number on their tag more than they do the fact that the clothes actually fit?  I really don't care about the label.  I care that my pants fit, don't drag on the floor, don't show my ass crack, and make me feel as good as possible while wearing them.  If the tag says 8, then fine.  If it says 10, then fine.  But I wish manufacturers were held to a standard like shoes or bras.  Sure - there'll be variants from retailer to retailer, but at least I know what general size I am or should be.

Back to being a size 8.  My mom has lost weight (probably due to her mild anorexia, but that's a whole other novel in and of itself).  She needed new pants.  Badly.  So I bought her some pants that looked about right.  Guess what size?  0.  She took one look at the tag and said, "There's no way I'll fit in those!"  Lo, and behold - they fit her.  Of course she won't wear them because for some sick reason she likes wearing baggy ill-fitting clothes.  She seems to think that martyring herself by wearing clothes that don't fit, all while sighing, "I went so many years without buying clothes for myself so you and your sister could wear new clothes..."  Right.  then why do I remember size 8 so vividly?

I hope that retailers don't eventually go overboard on the vanity sizing.  We'll all be some variant of size 0.  Or 0 to the negative power.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Love and the domestically minded mother.

Recently, I spent time with a mom friend of mine.  Like me, she has two adorable babies.  We get together frequently because our girls play well together, and we have similar personalities, interests, and, most importantly, senses of humor.  Since her youngest daughter has been born with some health concerns, her world has been re-arranged into a series of surgeries, doctor visits, after-care, and worry.  She is a supremely strong mama, and she is way stronger than she realizes.  On this visit she mentioned that she had a case of the “fuckits”.  If you’ve never had a case of the fuckits – it’s best cured with wine. Anyhow, her domestic upkeeping had gotten a bit behind, and while I was over for a play date today, I just went to her kitchen, and began doing dishes.  There was no, “What can I do to help?”  I just did.  When faced with hard times, I’ve learned that vague offers for help are usually met with, “I’m fine, really.”  When deep down, you’re screaming for help but just can’t articulate your needs because sometimes, there’s just so much on your plate, you don’t know what to start with. 

I asked her if she had read The Five Love Languages.  She hadn’t, so I said that this is my love language.  I do things.  Acts of service.  I enjoy doing dishes and cleaning.  I get into a ‘zone’ and I really enjoy the finished product.  Papa B often works nights and I usually spend the evening cleaning up the house.  I feel that, as part of my stay-at-home mom duties, keeping a clean house is part of my job description.  This friend mentioned that my house is intimidatingly clean.  I never mean to use my domestic inclinations to intimidate other mothers.  I told her I realize that my way of running my house is not for everyone, and some nights, I myself get a case of the fuckits and I sit on my ass and play Candy Crush (or writing blog posts) until it’s time to go to bed.  I’m not ashamed to have someone see my house when the littles have torn apart all the toys, bits of leftover dinner riddle the dining room floor and table, or a certain little someone has left piles of clothes and underpants all over the house.  I just wanted her to know that I care about her, and I showed her in a way I knew how and by what looked available to me. 

I certainly hope that my act of love was met with a sincere appreciation of my act, and not as mocking that I can keep my house clean and yours too.  I read this article when I came home from her house.  It really resonated with me.  


Not to sound full of myself, but do I really intimidate people with my put-togetherness?  On more than one occasion, I’ve had women comment to me about remarks their husbands have made to them about me being on the ball or more sympathetic to the male perspective of domestic situations.  I am who I am, and I don’t put on airs to impress people or put others down.  

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Pros/con's

Pros of having another baby:

I make really, really cute humans
I have some awesome names
I love babies.
I want another one
We already have a minivan
We have the bedroom space

Cons to having another baby:

We'd be outnumbered
Financial setbacks
Delay me going back to work or school by another 3 years or so
What if it's twins?
We'd lose our spare bedroom
I've been getting rid of baby clothes
We already have a boy and a girl - zero population growth (pro?)
The current baby is still not sleeping through the night

Monday, April 21, 2014

Even farther away.

It seems lately that the county in which we live is hell bent on screwing us over.  Firstly, they have proposed budget cuts that will affect Papa B's job.  He'll likely have one if the measure passes, but he may be making less than he is now.  Also in the proposed cut is to close the elementary school that the Cees are set to attend.  It's a small school, but not under enrolled. We are fighting hard to save it, and it comes down to whether or not the school board can be persuaded to cut the budget elsewhere and it's not financially feasible to close one school.  In addition to that, our county is considering using its power of eminent domain to seize a neighboring property to build a larger fire station to keep up with the rapid growth in our town.  Growth that is slowly encroaching on us like a rising flood.

We have property in a neighboring state that has two homes on the property.  Right now, we are fixing up the larger home to rent out to generate income, and slowly fixing up the smaller home to use as a summer/winter getaway.  We have long considered what would spur us to move out there (4.5 hours from where we currently are).  I told Papa B that I would move there under two conditions.  One, I want city water at the house.  As it is now, the small cabin has no running water, but that is part of the fixing up.  The well is rusty and not my preferred water source.  Thankfully, a city water pumping station is a few hundred yards away.  Two, is I want Internet.  If I am to move half a day's drive from my family and friends, then I want reliable means to contact them.

But I asked myself on our most recent trip if I would be HAPPY out there.  The property is, at best, a 30 minute drive to a town.  And it's not a thriving metropolis.  It's a little town that boasts a Wal-Mart, Tractor Supply, and a large bridge.  That's about it.  If you want more civilization, then another half hour's drive is necessary.  This part of the country is poor.  Poor and rural.  Would I be out of place here?  Yes.  Very much so.  Would my son get a Mt. Dew addition?  Probably.  Would I be seen as 'uppity', because I want my children to educate themselves to their highest potential?  Absolutely.  Would our family be targets for theft because we would be considered 'rich' and have nicer things?  Perhaps.  It's things like that that give me pause about moving out there.  But, for me, is how isolated I'd feel.  I'd feel intellectually isolated.  I'd feel socially isolated, since I think I'd have difficulty finding women who I can talk to that would stimulate me intellectually.  Women who have had education, jobs, and been on a similar path that I've been on.

If there is a move in the works, it would be until the youngest C is out of elementary school.  We feel that their best opportunity educationally is here (in spite of the whole school closing possibility).  But it is in the back of our minds, and is yet to be decided.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Don't piss me off. I have a plan.

I swear, I'm not a sociopath.  But I spend way too much of my brainticular efforts on whether or not I could successfully get away with killing someone.  Who I'd pick (someone I have no connection to, so friends and family are safe :-) ), how I'd do it (not sure) and where I'd hide the body. 

Every time I pass a good looking wooded hillside, I consider its suitability for body dumping.  How late at night is the optimal body dumping hour?  Do I use my own car? 

Anyhow.  Am I the only one who has these scenarios rolling around in their head? 

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Unprofound post of the day

You know, sometimes in the morning I weigh myself before and after I poop. Because, you know, science.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

One step closer to family cloth.

If you haven't yet been enlightened as to what family cloth is - let me be the first to tell you. 


Family cloth is not using toilet paper, but instead using scrap bits of cloth (or fancy schmancy specialized wipes) that are washed, dried, and reused. 


Since I cloth diaper, I am not unfamiliar with this concept.  Boy C's butt is wiped with wipes that previously wiped Girl C's butt.  And, I was gifted some used wipes from a friend, so another unrelated butt has been wiped with them before they wiped my kid's butt. 


I will admit, I do love a good moist wipe now and again after a good sit down, ya know?  And the fact that I already have tons of wipes in my possession makes it even more tempting. And I'd never have to worry about buying toilet paper ever again!  EVER!  But then I stop and think about when we have guests over and I think a few of them would object to this concept.  And when I say 'few' I probably mean 'all'.


So, at a play date today one mom commented that she has to buy toilet paper today since they are subsisting on napkins.  Well - not to be outdone, I told her that about 2 weeks ago, the bathroom upstairs (which gets little use) ran out of toilet paper.  Girl C has used that toilet numerous times and since there was no toilet paper, I just handed her a washcloth.  And here's where is just gets downright gross - I didn't bother to swap out the washcloth. 


I KNOW, I KNOW.


So, today, I did what I had to do and I put two rolls of TP in the bathroom and took the washcloth downstairs to be washed.  So, don't call CPS on me for neglecting to give my child toilet paper. 

Monday, March 24, 2014

Goodbye

There's something therapeutic about being the one to dig the hole for a deceased pet.

Not an hour ago, I made the decision to euthanize our oldest pet, Leila.  The 'queen bee' of the house, she was the feisty old lady of our menagerie.  We noticed her appetite decreasing and she was losing weight.  After bribing her with wet food and tuna over the weekend, we decided that a vet trip was needed.  She'd always been a lean cat, and her weight loss troubled both Papa B and myself.  She barely registered on the scale at the vets - she was five pounds on the nose.  Her previous weight was eight pounds, so it was a significant change over the past weeks.  The vet determined her kidneys were not just in failure, they had shut down completely.  He could have given her fluids and electrolytes which would have perked her up, but her age and the numbers from her blood work did not point to a happy outcome.

The vet tech was kind and brought in a tub of toys for Girl C to play with while I went to be with Leila. A quick needle jab and a few scratches under her chin and she crossed the rainbow bridge in peace and comfort.

It's hard explaining to a child about life and death.  I decided to be matter of face with Girl C and I told her that Leila was too sick to be alive anymore.  I could see her trying to process this information of what 'alive' meant.  And, as children do, said to me in a soft, yet profound voice, "Let's bring her home."

And that we did.

It's cold out today and I picked out a sunny spot between two trees to bury her.  The chickens did their part and were pecking at the worms in the overturned soil.  I have never dug a hole large enough for an animal larger than a hamster, so I was sort of proud of myself for this hole.  My hands were cold from the wind, and I unwrapped Leila from the towel that the vet wrapped her in.  And, as if she  knew I had done this last act of love for her, she was still warm in my cold hands and she gently warmed them for me.  I gave her one last nuzzle and arranged her in her final resting place and committed her body to the ground.

Rest easy, Leila.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Now my chickens aren't organic.

So, it had come to my attention that my Facebook posts were becoming too, shall we say, unsavory for public consumption?  Most people found what I had to say funny, albeit a little gross.  Which is totally my intention.

But for this little glimpse into my life, I thought a medium where folks could choose to read about it would be my best bet.

One of our chickens, Cassiopeia (Cassie for short), all of a sudden was refusing to roost.  She would climb into the nesting box and sleep there.  The problem with this was she would poop in the box and the other hens wouldn't want to go lay in there.  We tried blocking off her access to the boxes at night, but she would huddle in a corner and still not roost.  Then she got limpy.  I immediately suspected bumblefoot, but she never developed any abcesses.  I was stumped.  She would limp and flap around and generally hop along with the other girls.  She was still laying and eating.

But today we decided to bring her inside for a little R&R and some electrolytes and probiotics.  I inspected her feet again and thought I saw the nigglings of bumblefoot, so I drew Cassie a warm epsom salt bath.  When I picked her up, I noticed the odor.  A very distinct odor of infection, and then I saw her little claw (do chickens have dew claws?) was torn.  So, I plopped Cassie in the bath and she soaked nicely for about 20 minutes.  I wrapped her up in a towel and then inspected her toe again.  The toe was hanging on by a little bit of tendon, and we knew we had to amputate.  I held Ms. Cassie in the towel and Papa B did the surgery.  She didn't flinch or wince a bit.  Brave chicken.  And she then got a nice bandage of gauze and vet wrap and she is back in the crate in the basement.  We got some chicken antibiotics and hopefully she'll be on the mend and back with the flock in a few days.

We're expecting a bit of snow tomorrow, so she is living the high life for a while.  Maybe I should just bring the rest of the girls in to keep her company?

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Other unexpected consequences of being a SAHM

When I worked, I had a steady rotation of work appropriate clothes.  Dresses, skirts, slacks and blouses.  Now that I stay at home full time, the only time that I don such attire is when I have to officiate a wedding or go to church.  So, the life of all these clothes has been extended quite a bit.

What my wardrobe consists of nowadays is jeans (but don't get me started on jeans!), t-shirts, sweaters, and tank tops.

I've noticed recently that all of my clothes are starting to fall apart.  What I noticed first was little holes in my shirts about the level of my navel. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out where these holes were coming from.  At the time, Girl C was still in her bucket seat and she got carried around a lot.  I figured that I was resting the carrier on my hip/midsection and the holes were coming from the seat/jeans button interaction of carrying her that way.  She was soon out of the carrier, and the holes stopped.  But then I noticed them again.  She wasn't in her carrier.  What gives?  We dry our laundry on a line outside in good weather, so my conclusion was that the clothes pins were making the holes.  A few weeks ago, while I was at work, one of the other ladies in the nursery at church mentioned she had these same holes.  I was curious to hear how she thinks these holes crop of, since her kids are in high school and far from being in car seats.  She said she gets them from leaning up against the sink counter doing dishes.  Well, hell, I never thought of that before, and it makes total sense!  So, mystery solved for the holes and a solution to fix it (which is not 'stop doing dishes').

Also, I have blown holes through the knees of two pairs of jeans.  Never, in all my jeans-wearing years, have I ever worn jeans so much that they started to fall apart at the knees.  Usually, I would rip a back pocket off before anything else.  But I had a pair of skinny jeans that were wonderful from Target that I noticed the right knee start to get thin and soft in the knee and I knew they'd need to be replaced soon.  Thankfully, I bought the exact same pair and about a week later, I felt breezy at the knee and lo and behold, a hole.

I guess I'm on the floor a lot more with two kids.  We're building block towers, doing puzzles, racing cars, I'm changing diapers on the floor, and chasing after both of them.

Of all the consequences of being a stay at home mom, this is one I didn't expect.  But I love it.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

An insight into how my mind works. A small, small insight.

If I am going to the grocery store or to Target, I usually have a list.  That sounds normal enough, right?  But i can't just sit down and make a list.  It's an ongoing process that starts immediately after I leave the store from the last trip.  Because I've inevitably forgotten something.

If my list includes 3 items or less, I'm great.  I don't need a list.  But as soon as you add that 4th item, something gets bumped from the initial 3 item list.  And thus the cycle of forgetfulness/multiple trips begins.  Maybe this is a sign I should have 3 children or less.  I'll forget one or two.  

How I combat this is lists.  I have a program on my phone that allows me to make a list or a checklist.  The latter is a lifesaver because I can actually SEE what I've picked up (and checked off the list) and put in my cart as opposed to the simple list version.  If I don't cross it off, I forget something.

But the making of the list is a week long process sometimes.  Like I said, I usually forget something and if it can wait until next week, it becomes item number one on next week's list.  As I putter around the house, something will pop into my head that I need.  If I don't document this RIGHT NOW, guess what happens?  Yep.  It gets forgotten.  Along with my phone list, I have a dry erase board on my fridge so Papa B and I can write down items.  Usually I just take a picture of this white board list instead of transfer to my phone list.

So, there are a lot of ways I can forget things.  And I do.  But I'm getting better about consolidating my lists in their various forms be they digital or analog.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

An addition to my advance directive and living will

AKA, my un-profound post of the day.

In the event I fall into a coma or persistent vegetative state, I hearby request someone pluck my eyebrows and the 3 black hairs that sprout from the mole on my cheek.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Is it bad I prayed for the note to be blown away?

Monday I schlepped the kids to the mall to meet up with some friends, let the kids run around in the play area and make a return.  It was cold, and the weather forecast predicted that the wind would kick up.

Well, it did.  It was pretty windy and blustery as we entered the mall around 11 am.


We finished with all out doings at the mall and we make the trek through the parking lot.  It was around 2:15, which is prime nap time for Boy C.  I was carrying Girl C, pushing Boy C in his stroller and rushing to get them in to the car and out of the wind as soon as possible.  I toss Girl C into the car and tell her to get in her car seat and wait to be buckled in.  I go around to the other side of the minivan and put the brakes on the stroller and take Boy C out and into his seat.  As I am setting him in, the wind kicks up something fierce, and it picks up the stroller and propels it full speed into another car.  A freaking Lexus.  Of course.  I chase after the stroller, grab it, and stow it in the car and then buckle in the C's.  I get in the car, start it, and contemplate what I should do.  I even look up at the perimeter of the parking lot to see if there were any cameras.  But, I knew God was watching me and waiting for me to make the right choice.  So, I wrote a note and left my contact info.

So, last night, I get a call from a sweet lady named Joan.  She was so absolutely amazed that there are still people out there that have the integrity and kindness to take responsibility for their actions, even if it means they may have to bear a burden financially.  She said she has two high school aged children that are new drivers and she showed them my note and told them, "This is what you do.  This is what it means to have integrity."  She said there was no damage, and even if there were, things happen and that's part of life.  She even said that I am a good mother and setting a wonderful example of how to be a good person to my children.  By the end of our two-minute conversation, I was in tears from her kind words.

I was so afraid of who was going to call me and how angry they'd be and how much I would have to pay to get (what I thought was) a small blemish buffed from the door.  I went so far as to make a preemptive call to my insurance company  to see what I'd need to do in case it needed to go through insurance.  As an aside, if your baby stroller hits a car, it falls under your homeowners policy.  The more you know.  :)

Sunday, January 26, 2014

My favorite time of day

I have to admit, come bedtime, I am ready to clock out for the day and do the things I want to do.  I'm tired of wiping chins, noses, and butts.  I'm tired of crumbs, milk dribbles, and half-drank sippy cups littering my house.  I'm tired of being tired, and I can't ever really go to bed early since Boy C goes to bed around 6 and Girl C goes to bed around 7:30.  On the days when Girl C takes a nap, she morphs into this screaming, running, hyperactive little banshee who won't go to bed until at least 8:30.  So, by then, I'm anticipating Boy C to wake up for his 9:30 (on the nose) feeding.

But that feeding is my favorite.  I've had a little time to unwind from both kids, have a glass of wine if the day dictated I needed one, and clean the house without fear of it looking like I'm a hoarder 37 seconds later.

It's my favorite because I've missed my kids.  I've missed holding my baby boy in my arms.  I've missed the weight of him, the specific areas his little body puts pressure and the way my muscles have to move and flex as they cradle his head, body, and arms.  I've missed his smell, his noise, and the way his downy hair tickles my lips and chin as I drink in his baby smell.  I'm awake enough to enjoy this moment of him and I in the quiet and dark room - just us. And then I put him back in his crib and pull up his blanket to him and smile as he puts two fingers in his mouth (just like his big sister), grabs the blanket and rolls over, snuggling himself back to sleep.

Then, I tip toe over to Girl C's room and smile at what position she's chosen to sleep in, kiss her little forehead, and turn off her light.

That's my favorite.

Friday, January 24, 2014

This meeting will now "come" to order

Imagine if Robert's rules of order were applied to sex.

-This meeting of husband and wife will now come to order. Are all members of the marriage present?
-Aye
-Husband, please read the minutes of the last meeting.
-Meeting convened at 10:32 PM, roll call taken, minutes of previous meeting read and approved, No old business was discussed, regular business was performed, no new business was discussed, and meeting adjourned at 10:59 PM.  
-Can I get a motion to approve the minutes of the previous meeting?
-I move we just get to the regular business.
-Motion approved!


The end.  

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Weather and Diapers

There's a strange correlation when you're out where we are between the weather and laundry.  Besides the obvious - you don't want to hang up your laundry when it's going to rain or freeze.  On a good, hot, breezy summer day, I can wash and dry two loads of laundry on the clothesline and if I play my cards right, I can get a third on dry on the racks up on the deck.  Those are the sweet spots of days when I feel like super country mom.

But when there's the threat of snow, ice, or severe storms another problem arises - diapers.  We cloth diaper for a few reasons.  Some of which being better for the environment, and more cost effective for multiple children, blah,blah blah.  We will never run out of diapers and have to make a midnight run to town to buy any.  So, when weather moves in that has the chance to knock our power out, I have to take a quick clean diaper inventory and weigh if I have enough to last me should there be a power outage.  I'm sure my husband would fire up the generator so I could do a load if I needed to, but so far we've been pretty fortunate in that respect.

It's just begun to show here and it's expected to give us anywhere from 7-10 inches of it.  So, last night at 8 pm, I started a load of diapers.  And at 10 pm, they were done and my husband and I had a diaper-hanging race on the drying racks before bedtime.  Exciting times, indeed.